Someone plz help me if this intro for my essay is good so far ?

so im trying to write and introduction for an ysis essay for adv english.. and im starting off with imagery about suicide . here it is.. tell me if its alright and what can i do to make it better.: the black screeching mercedes door opens suddenly, and there you see a woman lying on the busy, noisy philedelpia road. the blood pouring out like a waterfall, and yet no one comes to help her .......(im still not done but thats all i have so far... ) btw my topic is evil lies withing people from the book "Lord of the Flies"